Yesterday was the last day of my job at Hope Network. I have mixed feelings about that; change is hard for people on the spectrum, even good change. But my boss was a good guy about it. He went and snagged me some nice boxes of tea, including one he personally enjoys. So I had a cup yesterday evening, and it was quite pleasant.
He also snagged a card for me, and went around getting it signed by the staff. Mostly the one from the building I worked in. People said some nice things, so that was sweet of them. I need to find a place to display things that make me happy (-ier), because I'd like to put that up. Probably going to have to wait 'til I have more space, though. There were also "muffins" (gourmet muffins, definitely cupcakes with delusions and less icing). and those were tasty.
Notably absent from any of this was my boss' boss. She definitely had the news that I was leaving almost immediately after I put in my notice, but beyond checking what day I was leaving, I had not a word from her. Does that say something about her, or something about my work, I wonder. Most people, my boss included, seemed to think I'd done an okay job. Or better than okay. It's just odd, and puzzles like that bother me. It's like seeing something out of the corner of your eye in a computer game, repeatedly.
The difference between an angry expression and a fearful one is a few muscles, mostly around the eyes. If you 're not looking for those little details, you can misinterpret a situation entirely wrong. That's what makes that detail bothersome.
Eventually I'll have to truncate that train of thought, because it's unproductive. I don't think I'll come to any understanding I don't already have. Either she'll tell me what was up, or I'll live the rest of my life not knowing. Either way, it's a little sad. We didn't necessarily get along extra well. I think she's used to communicating in emotions, or thinks that I do. And I really don't. I have emotions, and they can play a role in what words I choose, but given that I'm practically another species for brain wiring, I don't think it's wise to assume my emotions match a normal person's in any given situation. Nor that I'm even listening to those emotions. I communicate in words and logic. Furthermore, I say what I mean, directly and honestly. This sometimes results in misunderstandings, ironically.
There was one conversation where she said I needed to do something, and I said "I'll do my best." And she must've thought I was trying to weasel out of it or something, because she all but got in my face, telling me that this was part of my job (well duh) and she expected me to do it (double duh). I would've gotten annoyed, but I kinda figured that would just make her more angry. So after three or four repetitions of, "Yes, I understand, and that's why I'll be doing my best to do it," she left off.
Classic misunderstanding. There's a lot of ways to say "I'll do my best," and clearly she's heard ones with attitude a lot more than she's heard ones like mine. I don't at all appreciate it, but it's a mite more understandable with context.
I probably won't hear another word from her, honestly. Post-job, I intend to be at lots of seminars and meetings for autism. I didn't really see her attending much of those, beyond (maybe) the Hope Network events. With luck, though, I'll see my boss at those and other events.
What's next for me is to keep busy, learning. I'm thinking I might audit a class or two. Grand Valley State University has an autism program. Seriously, an entire course schedule specifically to teach you about autism. I tried and failed to talk to the head of that program in the past. What better way to learn what people are leaving school knowing about us, and what better way to connect with that professor?
I think my hardest challenge there is going to be to not correct the professor if they say something I know full well is wrong. Like "people on the spectrum don't have empathy." If the program is as good as people say it is, they probably won't teach that fallacy, but you never know.
In addition to snagging some classes, I'm going to be attending a number of seminars though Autism Support of Kent County, and probably several other programs. I have a lot to learn. I never had an IEP for school. Disability and the laws around it were never on my radar. I have no idea what the legislation for reasonable accommodations is. But I need to know all these things, because that's the world for autistic people today. I want to speak and write and make people understand what it's like to be autistic, but I also want to be a resource for people on and off the spectrum. You can't improve lives just with understanding. That's a major component, and immensely important. But not enough.
Understanding a nonverbal autistic is already difficult because we rely so heavily on words. You can do it with observation and patience and lots of time. But you can also help them help themselves with a program on a tablet. It has pictures that the person can press, like a stop sign. When pressed, they say things, like "I need a break." You can customize those pictures to the person's interests and particular needs.
I barely know any of this stuff, because I wasn't diagnosed until my 20s. (Augh, I'm going to be 27 tomorrow. Gee, age 30, you're looking very intimidating from here. I'll just try to enjoy not being you yet, 'kay?)
I barely know any of this, but I need to. I can't be a good representation of autistic people if all I have is my own experience.
In the meantime, I'm also going to try to start up something I wanted to do 10 months ago: a D&D campaign. I haven't had the energy or time to do it- more on that later- but I should now, if I'm careful about my scheduling.
He also snagged a card for me, and went around getting it signed by the staff. Mostly the one from the building I worked in. People said some nice things, so that was sweet of them. I need to find a place to display things that make me happy (-ier), because I'd like to put that up. Probably going to have to wait 'til I have more space, though. There were also "muffins" (gourmet muffins, definitely cupcakes with delusions and less icing). and those were tasty.
Notably absent from any of this was my boss' boss. She definitely had the news that I was leaving almost immediately after I put in my notice, but beyond checking what day I was leaving, I had not a word from her. Does that say something about her, or something about my work, I wonder. Most people, my boss included, seemed to think I'd done an okay job. Or better than okay. It's just odd, and puzzles like that bother me. It's like seeing something out of the corner of your eye in a computer game, repeatedly.
The difference between an angry expression and a fearful one is a few muscles, mostly around the eyes. If you 're not looking for those little details, you can misinterpret a situation entirely wrong. That's what makes that detail bothersome.
Eventually I'll have to truncate that train of thought, because it's unproductive. I don't think I'll come to any understanding I don't already have. Either she'll tell me what was up, or I'll live the rest of my life not knowing. Either way, it's a little sad. We didn't necessarily get along extra well. I think she's used to communicating in emotions, or thinks that I do. And I really don't. I have emotions, and they can play a role in what words I choose, but given that I'm practically another species for brain wiring, I don't think it's wise to assume my emotions match a normal person's in any given situation. Nor that I'm even listening to those emotions. I communicate in words and logic. Furthermore, I say what I mean, directly and honestly. This sometimes results in misunderstandings, ironically.
There was one conversation where she said I needed to do something, and I said "I'll do my best." And she must've thought I was trying to weasel out of it or something, because she all but got in my face, telling me that this was part of my job (well duh) and she expected me to do it (double duh). I would've gotten annoyed, but I kinda figured that would just make her more angry. So after three or four repetitions of, "Yes, I understand, and that's why I'll be doing my best to do it," she left off.
Classic misunderstanding. There's a lot of ways to say "I'll do my best," and clearly she's heard ones with attitude a lot more than she's heard ones like mine. I don't at all appreciate it, but it's a mite more understandable with context.
I probably won't hear another word from her, honestly. Post-job, I intend to be at lots of seminars and meetings for autism. I didn't really see her attending much of those, beyond (maybe) the Hope Network events. With luck, though, I'll see my boss at those and other events.
What's next for me is to keep busy, learning. I'm thinking I might audit a class or two. Grand Valley State University has an autism program. Seriously, an entire course schedule specifically to teach you about autism. I tried and failed to talk to the head of that program in the past. What better way to learn what people are leaving school knowing about us, and what better way to connect with that professor?
I think my hardest challenge there is going to be to not correct the professor if they say something I know full well is wrong. Like "people on the spectrum don't have empathy." If the program is as good as people say it is, they probably won't teach that fallacy, but you never know.
In addition to snagging some classes, I'm going to be attending a number of seminars though Autism Support of Kent County, and probably several other programs. I have a lot to learn. I never had an IEP for school. Disability and the laws around it were never on my radar. I have no idea what the legislation for reasonable accommodations is. But I need to know all these things, because that's the world for autistic people today. I want to speak and write and make people understand what it's like to be autistic, but I also want to be a resource for people on and off the spectrum. You can't improve lives just with understanding. That's a major component, and immensely important. But not enough.
Understanding a nonverbal autistic is already difficult because we rely so heavily on words. You can do it with observation and patience and lots of time. But you can also help them help themselves with a program on a tablet. It has pictures that the person can press, like a stop sign. When pressed, they say things, like "I need a break." You can customize those pictures to the person's interests and particular needs.
I barely know any of this stuff, because I wasn't diagnosed until my 20s. (Augh, I'm going to be 27 tomorrow. Gee, age 30, you're looking very intimidating from here. I'll just try to enjoy not being you yet, 'kay?)
I barely know any of this, but I need to. I can't be a good representation of autistic people if all I have is my own experience.
In the meantime, I'm also going to try to start up something I wanted to do 10 months ago: a D&D campaign. I haven't had the energy or time to do it- more on that later- but I should now, if I'm careful about my scheduling.
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