Welcome back to Reading the Research, where I trawl
the Internet to find noteworthy research on autism and related subjects,
then discuss it in brief with bits from my own life, research, and
observations.
Today's article settles an old debate I've heard classified as a male vs. female thing. When someone tells you about a problem they're having, do you A) try to solve it for them, because if you fix it, they won't be troubled by it any more, or B) sympathize with them, giving your emotional support without offering any particular solutions? The stereotype says most US men tend to do option A, and most US women tend to take option B.
Which one is better? Well, it depends on what you're trying to do. If you're trying to make yourself feel better, apparently option A is the one to go with. But if you're more interested in helping the person you're talking to, you're better off choosing option B, sympathizing with the person, and leaving your solutions to their problem at the door (unless the person asks for them).
This study specifically addresses romantic partners in their tests, but all things considered, I suspect the pattern generalizes. Romantic partners are just a really easy population to draft. Mostly, though, I found this study interesting because it quite literally contains a laundry list of "how to destress your listener." Since I suffer from a relatively high amount of stress, it's good to see something like this that's apparently backed by science (based on measuring actual stress hormones).
I was somewhat surprised to recognize I adhere to almost every practice noted in this article already. I expect my mother's responsible for that. She's a good listener and taught me to do the same thing as best she could, and there seems to be a reasonable amount of crossover between best listening practices and best de-stressing listening practices. I also appreciated the last bullet point (Adjust your approach as needed), which recognizes that people can be different. If you tried to show support by giving a hug or touching the arm of an autistic person with serious touch sensitivities, they would not be calmed, they would be further upset. So you do have to tailor your approach to the person you're trying to help.
Another thing I wanted to note here was a line just a bit before the bullet points. "'When a partner is stressed they are unable to focus on interpreting messages well.'" This is a study that was just testing neurotypical people... and the researcher still felt the need to say that. Imagine, now, that your partner is autistic and isn't good at interpreting messages to begin with.
The article also comments on the perils of stress (increases wear and tear on the body, which decreases quality of life and lifespan, can cause headaches, heart disease, sleep problems, and concentration impairment). Autistic people tend to suffer higher levels of stress than the average person, for a lot of reasons. So having someone who follows these rules of being a supportive listener is really important... regardless of who that person is: friend, partner, teacher, support personnel, parent, or whatever.
Today's article settles an old debate I've heard classified as a male vs. female thing. When someone tells you about a problem they're having, do you A) try to solve it for them, because if you fix it, they won't be troubled by it any more, or B) sympathize with them, giving your emotional support without offering any particular solutions? The stereotype says most US men tend to do option A, and most US women tend to take option B.
Which one is better? Well, it depends on what you're trying to do. If you're trying to make yourself feel better, apparently option A is the one to go with. But if you're more interested in helping the person you're talking to, you're better off choosing option B, sympathizing with the person, and leaving your solutions to their problem at the door (unless the person asks for them).
This study specifically addresses romantic partners in their tests, but all things considered, I suspect the pattern generalizes. Romantic partners are just a really easy population to draft. Mostly, though, I found this study interesting because it quite literally contains a laundry list of "how to destress your listener." Since I suffer from a relatively high amount of stress, it's good to see something like this that's apparently backed by science (based on measuring actual stress hormones).
I was somewhat surprised to recognize I adhere to almost every practice noted in this article already. I expect my mother's responsible for that. She's a good listener and taught me to do the same thing as best she could, and there seems to be a reasonable amount of crossover between best listening practices and best de-stressing listening practices. I also appreciated the last bullet point (Adjust your approach as needed), which recognizes that people can be different. If you tried to show support by giving a hug or touching the arm of an autistic person with serious touch sensitivities, they would not be calmed, they would be further upset. So you do have to tailor your approach to the person you're trying to help.
Another thing I wanted to note here was a line just a bit before the bullet points. "'When a partner is stressed they are unable to focus on interpreting messages well.'" This is a study that was just testing neurotypical people... and the researcher still felt the need to say that. Imagine, now, that your partner is autistic and isn't good at interpreting messages to begin with.
The article also comments on the perils of stress (increases wear and tear on the body, which decreases quality of life and lifespan, can cause headaches, heart disease, sleep problems, and concentration impairment). Autistic people tend to suffer higher levels of stress than the average person, for a lot of reasons. So having someone who follows these rules of being a supportive listener is really important... regardless of who that person is: friend, partner, teacher, support personnel, parent, or whatever.
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