Socially Curious and Curiously Social: A Social Thinking Guidebook for Bright Teens and Young Adults by Michelle Garcia Winner and Pamela Crooke.
"Guidebook" is probably the right word here. I don't think this book summarizes the entire of what autistic people need to know about communicating, but it takes a good shot at it. I found myself, unfortunately, rather annoyed and depressed while reading this book, with the occasional side thought of, "I already learned this, but geez, neurotypical people are so needy and particular about things!" Somewhat uncharitable of me, I think. It's not particularly any person's fault that the system espoused herein is the accepted system of communication, and we on the autism spectrum are left guessing and puzzling out what's right.
It's just, I guess, that the book emphasizes that everyone is still learning social skills, including your parents, friends, teachers, etc. So, hey everyone, that's hilariously inefficient if my parents (now over 50 years old, both of them) are still learning social skills. It's like you all invented a secret code and promptly lost half your guide to translating it. Can we please invent a system that's logical and predictable and use that instead of what we have currently? It'd be way easier on everyone.
Yeah, not going to happen, I know. But a person can dream.
There was nothing in this book I particularly disagreed with. It did say the necessity of the communication was rooted in peoples' desires to feel connected, and like people care about them. That threw me for a bit. I guess I'd not heard it expressed that way before. And in truth, that particular thought from the authors is part of what fueled the "needy" comment from earlier. But again, I don't think that's overly fair. Humans are, at our base, a social species. It's not in our makeup to be at ease with people we don't understand and have nothing in common with. So trying, albeit confusingly, to make those connections is, I guess, slightly admirable?
Something that sets this book apart from others like it that I've seen is the section of social media. I think perhaps some of the references were dated, even at the time of publishing (2011 for my copy), and I'm... not sure how often some of the listed acronyms (like LOL, GTG, but less common) were used. But I was entering college, not middle school, when the book was published, and I think it's important to realize that culture doesn't stop when you graduate, it continues right on without you until you look back in 20 years and realize you're horribly out of touch. Or in my case, when you look back in 5 years and go, "Huh, so dubstep is a thing now? Okay... Guess that didn't take long..."
So it's quite possible that the acronyms listed in the book were in common use at the time. One would, I suppose, have to ask someone more of that time period.
Anyway, the premise of the book is to teach what they call social thinking, or thinking about other people during and not during social time. The idea is to develop your sense of empathy and your concepts of other people, so that you can make sure they don't think uncomfortable or weird thoughts about you, and eventually decide they don't want to be near you. They do also emphasize that connectedness and having friendships and social skills is highly important, because it impacts all areas of life except "cave" living. Or in my case, hiding in your apartment playing computer games all day. Ahem. Guilty sometimes.
Overall, I found the book somewhat helpful as a refresher, but it's definitely written for a younger crowd than me. Which, erk, makes me wonder if I don't count as a young adult anymore. I'm not 30 yet! Just, um, almost. Erk.
"Guidebook" is probably the right word here. I don't think this book summarizes the entire of what autistic people need to know about communicating, but it takes a good shot at it. I found myself, unfortunately, rather annoyed and depressed while reading this book, with the occasional side thought of, "I already learned this, but geez, neurotypical people are so needy and particular about things!" Somewhat uncharitable of me, I think. It's not particularly any person's fault that the system espoused herein is the accepted system of communication, and we on the autism spectrum are left guessing and puzzling out what's right.
It's just, I guess, that the book emphasizes that everyone is still learning social skills, including your parents, friends, teachers, etc. So, hey everyone, that's hilariously inefficient if my parents (now over 50 years old, both of them) are still learning social skills. It's like you all invented a secret code and promptly lost half your guide to translating it. Can we please invent a system that's logical and predictable and use that instead of what we have currently? It'd be way easier on everyone.
Yeah, not going to happen, I know. But a person can dream.
There was nothing in this book I particularly disagreed with. It did say the necessity of the communication was rooted in peoples' desires to feel connected, and like people care about them. That threw me for a bit. I guess I'd not heard it expressed that way before. And in truth, that particular thought from the authors is part of what fueled the "needy" comment from earlier. But again, I don't think that's overly fair. Humans are, at our base, a social species. It's not in our makeup to be at ease with people we don't understand and have nothing in common with. So trying, albeit confusingly, to make those connections is, I guess, slightly admirable?
Something that sets this book apart from others like it that I've seen is the section of social media. I think perhaps some of the references were dated, even at the time of publishing (2011 for my copy), and I'm... not sure how often some of the listed acronyms (like LOL, GTG, but less common) were used. But I was entering college, not middle school, when the book was published, and I think it's important to realize that culture doesn't stop when you graduate, it continues right on without you until you look back in 20 years and realize you're horribly out of touch. Or in my case, when you look back in 5 years and go, "Huh, so dubstep is a thing now? Okay... Guess that didn't take long..."
So it's quite possible that the acronyms listed in the book were in common use at the time. One would, I suppose, have to ask someone more of that time period.
Anyway, the premise of the book is to teach what they call social thinking, or thinking about other people during and not during social time. The idea is to develop your sense of empathy and your concepts of other people, so that you can make sure they don't think uncomfortable or weird thoughts about you, and eventually decide they don't want to be near you. They do also emphasize that connectedness and having friendships and social skills is highly important, because it impacts all areas of life except "cave" living. Or in my case, hiding in your apartment playing computer games all day. Ahem. Guilty sometimes.
Overall, I found the book somewhat helpful as a refresher, but it's definitely written for a younger crowd than me. Which, erk, makes me wonder if I don't count as a young adult anymore. I'm not 30 yet! Just, um, almost. Erk.
Read This Book If:
You're on the spectrum and would like some how-tos or refreshers on the frustrating world of Talking To People. That's who this is geared to. Parents, professionals, and others could probably benefit from reading it, and honestly I'm curious as to whether the assessment of "why communication?" is accurate from a neurotypical perspective. But it is, at its heart, a guidebook for people on the spectrum. I would, personally, like to see if the authors wrote something similar for adults.
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