Worth Your Read: Bone-Tired

http://www.thinkingautismguide.com/2019/12/i-identify-as-tired.html

This is me right now.  Maybe it's been me all along, through high school and college.  But it's particularly me right now with all the things going on in my life.  

I'm actually too tired to do a whole rant on why I'm tired, but the basics are this: revamping our budget, the household is down to one car, reworking Chris' and my communication so both our needs are met, hosting Chris' younger brother and trying to help with his job search/adulting, I keep getting sick (flu, food poisoning, ???), and my country's federal government is a fascist mess pretending to be a democracy.  

There's been an idea floating around the Internet in regards to limited energy, called Spoon Theory.  The original site seems to have disappeared, but there's a version of it here.  I've never had a good sense for how many spoons I have in a day.  I think I also have the ability to borrow spoons from the future, so to speak, such that I'll be utterly exhausted the next day but be able to survive the current one.  Unfortunately if you do that too much, you pay for it in spades, and that is what is happening to me.  

In general, I'm finding that I'm having trouble making eye contact, managing myself, making conversation, and even formulating the words to express my thoughts.  I'm doing essentially the bare minimum to keep my life and relationships sustained.  

I'm also spending massive amounts of time doing self-care, which feels like a horrible waste of time when I could be working or doing things that actually help other people.  Unfortunately, while that's how I feel, it's not wise or necessarily fair to myself, because I'm no good to anyone if I can't function.  I know, mentally, that you have to be good to yourself so you can be good to others, but emotionally it still feels like a waste of time.