WYR: Self-Care

https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/my-self-care-kit/

Self-care is a highly individualized subject.  This article explains the what, how, and why of one person's self-care kit, or the things they use to catch their breath when they're suffering from bad spikes of anxiety or just need a break.  The things you might use, or I might use, vary wildly, simply because everyone is different.

The author here talks about how some people just don't seem to know how to take time for themselves, or don't know how.  That is, I would say, accurate for me.  If I had to guess, the ability to know when you need a break, and what things will help, is a form of intelligence, and it's one I'm not great at.  Fortunately, you can improve on anything with practice.

In the last few months, I've gotten lots of practice with it.  Reading this article, though, tells me how far I have yet to go.  I seem to have gotten better at identifying when I need a break, but I don't have much to go in my self-care kit.  At the moment, in fact, I have:

• Episodes of a D&D story podcast (which will run out sooner or later)
• A single webcomic (which I'm working my way through, and will also run out sooner or later)
• Going for a bike ride (weather and sanity permitting, and it's rained a lot this year)
• A small container of perfume, which helps derail my train of thought for maybe a minute.
• Music (sometimes)

I'd kind of hoped to find, but haven't yet found, fiddle toys or textures or things like that to add to this list.  Such sensory stimuli are common in the autistic world as comfort items.  A small swatch of a particular fabric, rough or soft or textured in some interesting way, serves some autistic people as a quick and handy help in tough situations.  Weighted blankets, things to chew on, desk toys, squishable animals, whatever it happens to be, there's a lot of options, and I haven't found a single one that helps me (other than the perfume).  

The major difference you'll note between my list and the author's here, is that each and every one of my items is conditional or of limited time use.  I will (probably in the next couple weeks) run out of new episodes of the podcast.  They come out once every two weeks, each about an hour long.  At the moment, my needs for self-care far outstrip that.  This is my third readthrough of the webcomic, which I'm lengthening by also reading the comments from the fans on each page.  I'll still run out of it sooner or later.  

Riding my bike requires I keep the bike tuned, and that the weather co-operate, and also that I think I'll be okay going past whoever else happens to be out on the trail that day.  Sometimes that last bit causes me enough stress that it's almost not worth taking the bike out.  The perfume's effect wears off after a minute or so, which isn't great if the thoughts plaguing me last longer than that.  And my music collection is vast, but finding just the right thing to bring me out of my misery is daunting, and I'm actually not great at figuring out what music would actually help.  

I'm not actually, truly sure if the author here always derives the same comfort each time from each of the things on their list here.  For lack of confirmation, I'd mentally assume not, and emotionally desperately hope so, because maybe then if I find just the right things, I would always have something to retreat to.  

The thing I notice about the list here, is that it's generalized.  They list "Harry Potter fanfiction" not "fanfiction by ____ author."  They list several people as contacts to call, and coloring books in general, rather than a specific brand.  I tend to get interested in very specific things, not broad subjects.  One webcomic at a time.  Or one book series.  One podcast.  That makes it easy to run out of whatever it is, leaving me flailing for the next thing.  

My best guess is that I need to keep looking, but I'm historically pretty awful at recognizing enjoyment when it's dancing naked in front of me.  And very good at keeping on doing things I feel I "should" be doing, even when they really don't make me happy. So it's kind of hard to narrow down stuff based on what I spend time doing.