Monday, January 13, 2020

Reading the Research: Parents, Take Care of Yourself

Welcome back to Reading the Research, where I trawl the Internet to find noteworthy research on autism and related subjects, then discuss it in brief with bits from my own life, research, and observations.

Today's article highlights the need for better support systems in general for parents of autistic people.  This is particularly true with younger kids and those who share a household with their parents, but even for older independent adults like myself, it has an effect.  If the parents aren't doing well, the kid is affected.

This is something I tend to tell parents every time I attend the parent support meeting: take care of yourself.  It's not that parents are the cause of the autism or whatever, but if they don't handle the stress and worry and complications well, the child will suffer additional pain and hardship... and so will they.  You can't spend your whole life focused only on your kid(s).  You also have to make time for yourself, and your spouse.  

The idea with this article is to underline the need for the family doctor to provide an opportunity to start talking about this subject.  Pediatricians are usually where you start with things for your kid anyway, and having one remind you that you're a person and not only a parent can make the difference in how you handle things.  It can also start the conversation about respite care, therapists, and other support options for stressed parents of autistic kids.  

This isn't to say that pediatricians should suddenly all be trained in mental health and therapy.  Medical school is long and painful enough as it is.  Having the basics to start the conversation, though, would be a good start.  Ideally it shouldn't be pediatricians that do this sort of thing, but they're about the only predictable link.  If you're a stressed but loving parent, you take your kid to their doctor for various tests, immunizations, well child checkups, etc, every year.  You don't necessarily think to do so much for yourself.  

As an autistic person, I've generally tried to push parents to take better care of themselves.  I think most of us would be happier and even do better if our parents had sufficient support.  More than that, though, the results of our parents not having support are known.  Autistic people are harmed, abused, and even murdered... and the resulting death is often not even considered murder.  Please check that last link if that last statement seems absurd.  

Parents, please, get the support you need to be healthy.  You'll do better for it.  Your loved ones will do better for it.  Everyone you come into contact with will be better for it.  

(Pst! If you like seeing the latest autism-relevant research, visit my Twitter, which  has links and brief comments on studies that were interesting, but didn't get a whole Reading the Research article about them.)

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