22 Things a Woman With Asperger's Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know, by Rudy Simone, is a set of 22 short essays around the title's theme. This is not a long book, at less than 150 pages. Each essay gives a decent amount of food for thought, so this isn't a quick read despite the page count. The tone and writing style is nearly conversational, and quite easy to follow, making this a book you could hand to pretty much anyone.
As you might be able to guess by the label "Asperger's Syndrome" in the title, this is a book about a subtype of autism. Specifically, women that were given the "Aspie" diagnosis rather than the "autism" or "high functioning autism" diagnosis. Formally speaking, the difference doesn't exist any more. The DSM 5 came out about a year after this book was published, and it erased the DSM 4R's existing autistic subtypes. This book speaks to a subtype within one of those deleted subtypes.
If this subtype applies to you, your partner, or your grown child, this book may be extremely useful. It describes various facets of autistic behavior and how they may look in yourself or your loved one. If the subtype does not apply, the book may still have some use, but it should be read with a salt shaker close at hand (ie: take the advice in these essays with a grain of salt, or in literalist terms, pay extra attention because the advice may or may not apply to your specific situation).
As for me personally? The AsperGirl subtype seems to describe me fairly well. Not perfectly, but enough that I'll be handing this book to my spouse and asking him to read it when I'm done with this review.
The most useful essay for me personally was the 5th one: "Everyone's a critic... but she's better at it than you." This is a sticking point for me and for our relationship. I do have high standards and expectations, and those can be hard to live up to. The essay puts those more in context, and recognizes that sometimes the autistic person simply needs to learn to lay off. That's probably a lesson I should work on further...
I should note here that this book does not make the mistake of portraying the AsperGirl as perfect in every way, and the reader (assumed to be her partner) as simply not understanding her or not being good enough for her. The author recognizes that a relationship is about balance, and that AsperGirls can be prone to various failings, including destructive behavior.
Also, winning the award for Having a Clue, there was a section titled, "Even if you think of her as a woman, she might not." There is significant crossover in the autistic and nonbinary/trans populations. I, for example, identify as agender, which is a type of nonbinary. And I do not consider my gender to be female. Biologically speaking (sex), I'm female, but that's as far as that goes. My physical parts have very little bearing on my interests, my values and initiative, and the people I care about. This essay acknowledges this as a somewhat common.
Having read this book, I regret not looking into the AsperGirl community earlier. I did know it existed but I guess I didn't put in sufficient time and effort to find it. With the exception of a couple essays (one of them on motherhood), almost everything in this book accurately described me. I can't stress enough how unusual that is for a book about autism: a diagnosis that's typically best described as a trashbin (where everything under the sun is chucked).
Obviously, your mileage may vary. Sensory sensitivities may vary. Not every AsperGirl is going to be highly critical. Coping mechanisms vary. It's usually a massive red flag when an author gets very specific about descriptions and doesn't have too much by way of open-endedness, but in this case, for this subtype of a subtype? Seems pretty accurate to me.
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