Looking Forward, Looking Back (2019)

At least where I've lived, people make New Year's Resolutions around New Year.  Sometimes they're made in earnest, sometimes they're just a load of hot air.  But mostly what I notice is that people tend to give up on them if they don't work out fairly quickly.  

I think that's kind of pointless.  Real change, I've learned from both my psychology degree and from personal experience, is often slow.  Sometimes it's very difficult.  Habits can hard to change.  But if you want it badly enough, you can manage it despite that slowness and difficulty.  

I'm not as enamored of making goals for the new year as my culture is, but I do think even minor introspection on ways to improve one's life is a good idea.  So while I'll flatly refuse to call them resolutions, I do make a list of goals each year.  Last year's is here.

Ideally, these are SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.  So rather than saying, "I'm going to get in shape this year!" you might say, "This year, I'm going to aim to lose 20 pounds by instituting and holding a 4 day a week exercise schedule at the gym."  You have your measureable, time-bound goal: lose 20 pounds by the end of the year.  You have a specific, relevant, measurable method of achieving this goal as well: creating and adhering to a 4 day a week exercise schedule at the gym.  And hopefully your chosen method is achievable, or you'd best choose a different method, like yoga, cycling, or jogging.  

Looking Back at 2018's Goals

1.  Create and keep a buffer for at least 10 months of the year.  Preferably the entire year after I rebuild the buffer.

I think I actually succeeded at this one.  Sometimes the buffer was only "well I still have one more week of buffer, that counts..!"  And I'm pretty sure I did run out of buffer at least once or twice, but the goal wasn't to not run out of buffer, it was to keep a buffer for the vast majority of the year.  Which I did.  Yay!

2.  Finish the arduous and exhausting job of house-hunting, get moved into a house or condo, and stop having to give a crap about the whole thing.

This also happened.  It was deeply unfun.  But I'm writing this not from a rented apartment, but a mortgaged condo.  It took a lot of work on my spouse's part, sifting listings, finding a realtor, and both of us together figuring out what we wanted from a place.  Seeing all the various places despite work and other scheduling issues.  (You can read the first post of the 3 part saga here.)

3.  Become better at managing a social network, and network with several autism researchers in pursuit of increasing my chances at a career in autism, and if nothing else, helping nudge research away from "what causes autism" toward "what helps autistic people?"

Uh.  This... mostly didn't happen.  I didn't take out the "how to network" book at the library like I said I might.  I did meet some people at the government research panels, and I think made some actual human connections, but there has to be follow-through there, and I... didn't.  I need to work on getting peoples' business cards.  And then follow up with them.  And maybe get that book.  

It's not a total loss.  I did talk to researchers and parents this year.  I just don't think I made as much of a difference as I was hoping to.  I won't say I completely failed at this goal, but I'd give it a "ehh..." rather than a "yay!" or "success."  Failure is a mandatory part of life, and a valuable learning experience, so hopefully I can learn from this and do better in the coming year.

4.  Keep steady on the 2 days a week exercise with my parents, and find, buy, and use a recumbent exercise bike this year for the 3rd day per week.

This was kind of a mixed bag.  I definitely succeeded at part 1, except for during holidays and such when it wasn't really an option to do the classes.  Over the late spring, summer, and early fall, I well and easily exceeded this goal, though not in the way I'd planned.  I took my bike and went outdoors with it 3 days a week, using the bike trails that run a sneeze away from my new home.  So I had a 5 day a week exercise schedule while the weather was nice.

But when the weather turned poorer, I stopped biking outside.  Unfortunately, I find biking outside much more tolerable than using the recumbient bike inside.  I'd meant to have something else to fill the third day, like yoga or some other indoor exercise, but between the mess that was October and the holidays afterwards, that third day just really didn't happen.

I think it could happen, if I re-committed to it.  But I really need to do something with myself besides trying to use the computer and the exercise bike at the same time.  I can do it, but it's clumsy and unpleasant and makes me not want to repeat the experience each time.  The downstairs area has more options for distractions from exercise now.  I just need to figure out something that doesn't feel like I'm wasting time, yet doesn't demand I twist my torso sideways.

Moving Forward in 2019

This year's goals are going to be bit less generic, I think.  Some of them won't make any sense without explanation, which is probably fine.  In general I don't think I make all that much sense without explanation, being autistic and such.  

So, this year, I'm going to try to:

1.  Exercise at least 3 days a week, at least a half hour each session, minimum.

Exercise has been on my goals lists for the last two years, too.  I'm still not managing 3 days a week reliably.  Failure is a mandatory part of life, and an important learning opportunity.  While I definitely got more exercise last year than any year prior, I still need a better plan as to how to handle the months of bad weather.  

Exercise tamps down on my anxiety and depression levels, which is extremely important for my wellbeing.  It's a pain in the rear, though, because in almost every context, I really don't enjoy exercise.  The singular exception is outdoor biking in good weather, which I do kind of slightly enjoy?  I still don't like the exertion, but the sunlight, fresh air, and scenery changes mostly make up for it.  

So this will probably keep being on my goals list until it's accomplished to my satisfaction.  I'd love to lose weight due to this, but I'd really just settle for being healthier overall, mentally and physically.  The weight loss will happen, or it won't.

2. Finish my catching up on the MBMBAM podcast and get started on the wider range of podcasts I've already set up for myself.

This won't make sense to most of my readers.  MBMBAM is the shortened version of My Brother, My Brother, and Me.  It's a comedy podcast where three brothers take questions from their listeners and the Internet, and discuss them in funny ways.  Sometimes the questions get answered, sometimes not, but the end result is generally enjoyable if you don't mind the absurdity.  The brothers have good chemistry for siblings.  

If you followed that link, you'll notice there are in excess of 440 of these episodes.  I have this very very bad habit of wanting to start from the beginning with things, and not at the end.  Even if, as in this case, you really don't need to start at the beginning to enjoy the series.  

I think I've been trying to catch up on this podcast for something like a year at this point.  I am on episode 356, so I'm... getting there.  But in the meantime, I've collected other recommendations, such as NPR's Invisibilia, which talks about interesting social phenomena and forces that aren't normally discussed in the news, with the idea of making you think more about yourself, your beliefs, and your life.  

There's also Pivot, which looks like it's probably more news-related.  Which would somewhat address my abysmal lack of connectivity with world events. And the one most relevant to this blog: Ouch: Disability Talk.  The interviews and discussions from people hooked into the disability world will be helpful for making this blog relevant to the wider autism spectrum.  

3. Quantify the environmental downers around the house I can be susceptible to, and eliminate or treat the issues if at all possible.

I've complained a lot about the algae in the pond out back, and mold inside the house.  But they're not the whole story, and I'm still trying to figure out what else is messing with me.  I think it's an air quality thing, because when I shut the flue in the fireplace, it gets worse.  So, while it's still cold outside and the algae is dead, I'm occasionally airing out the house.  I also have a respirator mask for when the algae starts growing again, but it's uncomfortable to wear.  

Anyway, this year I'd like to pin down what things tend to cause what symptoms, and what this third factor is.  It doesn't seem to be carbon monoxide (whew), and we've searched the house pretty thoroughly for more mold, with no luck.  Narrowing things down is important, if nothing else.  

We also might look into buying a better air purifier.  The one we have makes an irritating whine that sets off my tinnitus.  It's better to treat the source of the problem than to simply slap a bandaid (air purifier) on it, but if bandaid is all I have, it's what I'll take.

4. Pick up an autism-related volunteer or paid job.

This is a form of career progress.  I feel like I do best when I have more chances to meet people, regularly.  Conferences are very very expensive, so if I ever have copious amounts of money, I could do those.  But I don't right now, so a part time job of some variety would be a potential way forward.  

Part time would be basically mandatory if I want to keep this blog going.  I've done pretty well here in the last year, and I'd hate to lose it in the mess of transitioning to having less free time.

Fortunately, I have an easy "in" for a volunteer position with Autism Support of Kent County.  I just need to follow up on it and commit to it.  

An ancillary goal is to print out these goals and have them at my computer where I can see them, so I don't forget about them, by, say, June.  Making goals is good, but kind of pointless if you don't try to follow through.