Oof. I wish I could make this a nice, normal life update, but I can't. Today you get a brief explanation of what happened, and then some discussion about the aftereffects. On the bright side, that will probably be more interesting for literally anyone who isn't my immediate family.
On Monday, I got started out for a nice, normal week. There were a few social events planned, I was going to be exercising at home one extra day this week, and there was one oddity with my health appointments, but nothing really troublesome. It was setting up to be a good week.
I started out with Monday morning's exercise. The customary lunch with my dad followed, with the added bonus of Chris, my spouse, getting to join us. Good food and good company ensued, and I enjoyed the time. I happened to check my tablet around the end of the meal, to find a message from another family member requesting a ride to an urgent care center near their home. Concerned, I checked my calendar. Having several hours before my next appointment, I let them know I was on my way and proceeded to transport them and keep them company while their health was looked into. This, unfortunately, involved a lot of time in the waiting room.
As a rule, I don't spend a lot of time in hospitals or urgent care, so I had no idea that we could have joined the waiting line for the facility before even leaving (neither did my family member, I think). I had only brought fun things to do, not work things, so I spent a good period of time doing unproductive (but entertaining) things while we waited. The waiting area was pleasantly clean, and the staff polite and friendly. But a certain amount of waiting, when paired with worry for a loved one's health, wears on a person. It was at least an hour in the waiting room proper, and then maybe another half hour to 45 minutes after they were called back to get checked.
After all that, there was that disturbing moment where one of the staff comes out to get you and bring you in to give you the (bad) news regarding your loved one... which, to my relief, was just "we don't like the look of this thing about their health, can you please take them to the hospital for better testing?" At that point I rescheduled my first appointment and started taking a serious look at the second one.
In the end, they didn't find anything hugely wrong with my family member, and sent them home. By that point it was quite late, so I brought them home, wished them the best, and went home myself. I had it from them and from others, later, that I'd done quite well handling the situation, so that's fortunate. It's kind of a roulette game as to whether being autistic is going to help or hinder any given situation, and the game tends to be skewed towards it not helping. But the whole trip was kind of an adventure for me- I'd never seen the inside of an ER, for example, let alone gone through the "okay, why are you here in the ER?" screening process.
The next day, I woke up tired, and proceeded to be pretty much useless for the entire day. I couldn't seem to motivate myself to do anything (either work or play), and simply wasted time and ate junk food. About mid-afternoon I finally got tired putting up with myself, so I rescheduled my chiropractic appointment to "leave right now or you'll miss it" and kicked myself out of the house. I then had to stop myself from buying junk food on the way there and back.
It took LENS (my neurofeedback therapy), chiropractic care, and a long shower to return me to feeling semi-human, and even then, I barely got any work done. There always seems to be a price that comes with these long outings, scheduled or not, and I never seem to notice I'm getting worn out until it's too late to mitigate it. This is very much my own fault, as most people at least have a rudimentary system to tell that they're getting overwhelmed... and likely manage to notice it while it's happening.
This outing, like most of them, I would choose to do again if I knew the consequences. This family member is important to me, their health and welfare is important, and I value the time I spend with them. Even if it's time at a hospital, or in a waiting room. I just really wish an apparent side effect of my autism wasn't "a complete lack of mental and emotional self-monitoring." That way I could prepare my home for my impending uselessness by buying healthy snacks, and being mentally ready for not accomplishing anything, rather than being surprised and frustrated by it.
After the trip to Washington DC in January, I had this same style of lethargy, grumpiness, and depression. And after most holiday trips, the same thing. It seems terribly counterproductive to have to spend a whole day or more feeling sorry for myself every time I stretch my limits a bit. Hopefully if I put my mind to it, I can find some way to track my mental and emotional wellbeing... but I honestly have no idea where to start. I do regularly do mental checks of my mood and apparent wellness on outings like these... I just seem, to myself and others, to be doing fine.
I wonder how common this sort of mental/emotional collapse is for other autistic people. At least a good night of sleep seems to have cleaned up the aftereffects, so that now, on Wednesday morning, I feel better and properly motivated to do work.
On Monday, I got started out for a nice, normal week. There were a few social events planned, I was going to be exercising at home one extra day this week, and there was one oddity with my health appointments, but nothing really troublesome. It was setting up to be a good week.
I started out with Monday morning's exercise. The customary lunch with my dad followed, with the added bonus of Chris, my spouse, getting to join us. Good food and good company ensued, and I enjoyed the time. I happened to check my tablet around the end of the meal, to find a message from another family member requesting a ride to an urgent care center near their home. Concerned, I checked my calendar. Having several hours before my next appointment, I let them know I was on my way and proceeded to transport them and keep them company while their health was looked into. This, unfortunately, involved a lot of time in the waiting room.
As a rule, I don't spend a lot of time in hospitals or urgent care, so I had no idea that we could have joined the waiting line for the facility before even leaving (neither did my family member, I think). I had only brought fun things to do, not work things, so I spent a good period of time doing unproductive (but entertaining) things while we waited. The waiting area was pleasantly clean, and the staff polite and friendly. But a certain amount of waiting, when paired with worry for a loved one's health, wears on a person. It was at least an hour in the waiting room proper, and then maybe another half hour to 45 minutes after they were called back to get checked.
After all that, there was that disturbing moment where one of the staff comes out to get you and bring you in to give you the (bad) news regarding your loved one... which, to my relief, was just "we don't like the look of this thing about their health, can you please take them to the hospital for better testing?" At that point I rescheduled my first appointment and started taking a serious look at the second one.
In the end, they didn't find anything hugely wrong with my family member, and sent them home. By that point it was quite late, so I brought them home, wished them the best, and went home myself. I had it from them and from others, later, that I'd done quite well handling the situation, so that's fortunate. It's kind of a roulette game as to whether being autistic is going to help or hinder any given situation, and the game tends to be skewed towards it not helping. But the whole trip was kind of an adventure for me- I'd never seen the inside of an ER, for example, let alone gone through the "okay, why are you here in the ER?" screening process.
The next day, I woke up tired, and proceeded to be pretty much useless for the entire day. I couldn't seem to motivate myself to do anything (either work or play), and simply wasted time and ate junk food. About mid-afternoon I finally got tired putting up with myself, so I rescheduled my chiropractic appointment to "leave right now or you'll miss it" and kicked myself out of the house. I then had to stop myself from buying junk food on the way there and back.
It took LENS (my neurofeedback therapy), chiropractic care, and a long shower to return me to feeling semi-human, and even then, I barely got any work done. There always seems to be a price that comes with these long outings, scheduled or not, and I never seem to notice I'm getting worn out until it's too late to mitigate it. This is very much my own fault, as most people at least have a rudimentary system to tell that they're getting overwhelmed... and likely manage to notice it while it's happening.
This outing, like most of them, I would choose to do again if I knew the consequences. This family member is important to me, their health and welfare is important, and I value the time I spend with them. Even if it's time at a hospital, or in a waiting room. I just really wish an apparent side effect of my autism wasn't "a complete lack of mental and emotional self-monitoring." That way I could prepare my home for my impending uselessness by buying healthy snacks, and being mentally ready for not accomplishing anything, rather than being surprised and frustrated by it.
After the trip to Washington DC in January, I had this same style of lethargy, grumpiness, and depression. And after most holiday trips, the same thing. It seems terribly counterproductive to have to spend a whole day or more feeling sorry for myself every time I stretch my limits a bit. Hopefully if I put my mind to it, I can find some way to track my mental and emotional wellbeing... but I honestly have no idea where to start. I do regularly do mental checks of my mood and apparent wellness on outings like these... I just seem, to myself and others, to be doing fine.
I wonder how common this sort of mental/emotional collapse is for other autistic people. At least a good night of sleep seems to have cleaned up the aftereffects, so that now, on Wednesday morning, I feel better and properly motivated to do work.
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