Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Legwork and Life, week of 8/8/17

 Alas, the internet issues from last week continue.  It's not as bad, at present, as it has been.  But of course they seem to happen when we need the Internet the most.  We missed a group activity thing again this week...  Chris is going to call again, to see what can be done.  Since they already rewired our part of the building, I hope there's something they can do...

In happier news, a friend from my first high school messaged me a few days ago, and we've been chatting.  I'm patently awful at keeping up with people, so occurrences like this are rare.  Seems like he's still around Pittsburgh, where is where that high school was, so that's cool.  I've been having some nostalgia trips and doing a lot of mental calculations to try to help him out with his life.  It's been keeping my brain a lot busier than I expected.  

Which is part of, but not the major reason why, my blog's buffer is now all gone.  I have been a bad writer, and haven't been reading and reviewing books at the rate I should be.  The latest book has been dense and difficult to get through.  So I do not, at this very moment, have a Friday book review for you.  Hopefully I'll get my head straightened out in time to manage that by the end of the week, and get to working on the next book too.

Really, the greatest part of the problem was that I was having to fight my own brain for at least two weeks.  I'd been having a major resurgence in a particular artifact of depression, which I call Boomerang Memories.

I've linked to the post where I explain what those are, but basically, they're bad memories that come back to haunt you years after they happened.  If you did something embarrassing in high school, and it bothered you at the time, it might come back to haunt you 10+ years later, as if it was happening again at that very moment.  If that sounds like kind of a bummer, you're correct.  Now imagine these boomerang memories come back to haunt you every hour.  Then every half hour.  Then every 10 minutes.  Each time, you have to take a couple minutes to shake off the boomerang memory.  So you end up wasting a lot of time, and your day gets steadily worse as time goes by.  It's like having your own personal anti-cheerleader.

I figured I was just having a bad week or so... maybe getting sick, given the scratchiness of my throat and nose.  Turns out, I was quite wrong.  No, turns out we were accidentally growing mold in our cupboard, and it'd been making me quietly ill for weeks.  That's a thing, and I now believe my mother's insistence that mold can mess you up, even moreso than I did after my experience with the moldy chapel back in mid-May.  We cleaned up the mold, aired the place out, and now I haven't noticed a boomerang memory in the last two hours.  I still feel terrible and anxious about losing my buffer for the blog, but I no longer feel like I'm incapable of managing to straighten out the situation. 

I haven't ever missed a post since I committed to the schedule I'm on, and that's a bit of a point of pride, so wish me luck with playing catch up!  Also, maybe wish me luck in trying to be more conscientious about similar changes in my psyche.  In retrospect, that's the sort of thing I should've caught onto eventually... 

No comments:

Post a Comment