Well, there's now a foot of snow on the ground and icicles on the roof that are at least as tall as me, so I suppose I can consider myself officially welcomed back by Michigan. I could do with a less effusive welcome. Maybe some sun? (checks the forecast) No? "Don't make me laugh," says the forecast? Alas...
I'm struggling along. I feel no better than last week, though yesterday I did finally beat myself into working on my inbox a little. I find myself frustrated by the sheer number of things that demand to be done before Christmas. Shopping for friends and family is one thing, but attending various events, filing out and turning paperwork, and re-acclimating to Michigan living all at once is quite another. I've already chucked one set of (non-mandatory) paperwork into the trash in sheer exasperation. I don't think I'm going to sheepishly retrieve it, either. I can't imagine why anyone thinks it's a good idea to send out "tell us about yourself for next year!" paperwork while everyone is scrambling to arrange and attend Christmas parties (or Hanukkah celebrations, or Mawlid an-Nabi, or whatever), acquire presents, shovel snow, and other wintery activities.
Today I'll be brushing the snow off my car for the fifth time this week (and it's only Tuesday!) and going off to LENS. I have complaints between the high anxiety, high frustration, and the hideous night of sleep I just suffered. I'm not sure how ambitious the doctor is going to want to be about those complaints, and starting up the enzymes like she said we would. It's near the end of the year, and the same excuse that worked for getting married also works for Christmas. (This is a time of high stress, and changes are difficult to enact, etc etc.) Which at this point, I'm likely to retort, "I'm going to bite someone's kneecaps off if something doesn't change." So we'll see. My mother had suggested I look into a regular pill version of GABA. She finds it helpful for managing her anxiety, but the peppermint candy versions I have are pitifully low strength by comparison. I really don't want to eat 12 brain chemical-laden Altoids every day just to not chew off kneecaps. I'd rather, if it would work, a nice single capsule like she uses.
Yesterday I had a look at the photos from the professional photographer for the wedding. While the photographer was clearly competent and excellent, it was as I feared: I couldn't smile properly for about half the pictures. In my defense, there was flash going all the time forever, and each flash of the camera is like being slapped across the face. Also, I was kind of annoyed with the photographer for taking pictures with flash during the procession. I'd been under the impression that there wouldn't be flash while in the sanctuary area, but apparently she'd had the impression that it was only verboten while we were at the altar. So the processional pictures didn't turn out great. I also feared, and was correct in that, if I wasn't smiling my expression was sort of frowny-intent. That's a thing I do, and it's when I'm concentrating really hard on something. But it is not photogenic at all. Did I mention I kind of hate photos?
But I should ask my brother how to smile properly. I swear, if he knew there was a picture being taken, he had a photogenic and real-looking smile on his face. Mouth and eyes both, not just the first. You need both for a convincing smile. I sincerely doubt he was in perfect good humor for the entire wedding, but the pictures will certainly look like he was. I'll see him in a couple weeks, so I think I'll ask what he did to manage that. I'm afraid it's going to involve tons of practice and a mirror, but maybe it won't. I hate mirrors even more than I hate pictures...
Anyway, I poked through the raws and edited photos and came out with over 70 pictures that I liked well. So that's not bad at all. I have to get Chris to do the same, and send the final set of pictures back to the photographer for an album. Preferably quickly, so the extras can be Christmas presents...
I'm struggling along. I feel no better than last week, though yesterday I did finally beat myself into working on my inbox a little. I find myself frustrated by the sheer number of things that demand to be done before Christmas. Shopping for friends and family is one thing, but attending various events, filing out and turning paperwork, and re-acclimating to Michigan living all at once is quite another. I've already chucked one set of (non-mandatory) paperwork into the trash in sheer exasperation. I don't think I'm going to sheepishly retrieve it, either. I can't imagine why anyone thinks it's a good idea to send out "tell us about yourself for next year!" paperwork while everyone is scrambling to arrange and attend Christmas parties (or Hanukkah celebrations, or Mawlid an-Nabi, or whatever), acquire presents, shovel snow, and other wintery activities.
Today I'll be brushing the snow off my car for the fifth time this week (and it's only Tuesday!) and going off to LENS. I have complaints between the high anxiety, high frustration, and the hideous night of sleep I just suffered. I'm not sure how ambitious the doctor is going to want to be about those complaints, and starting up the enzymes like she said we would. It's near the end of the year, and the same excuse that worked for getting married also works for Christmas. (This is a time of high stress, and changes are difficult to enact, etc etc.) Which at this point, I'm likely to retort, "I'm going to bite someone's kneecaps off if something doesn't change." So we'll see. My mother had suggested I look into a regular pill version of GABA. She finds it helpful for managing her anxiety, but the peppermint candy versions I have are pitifully low strength by comparison. I really don't want to eat 12 brain chemical-laden Altoids every day just to not chew off kneecaps. I'd rather, if it would work, a nice single capsule like she uses.
Yesterday I had a look at the photos from the professional photographer for the wedding. While the photographer was clearly competent and excellent, it was as I feared: I couldn't smile properly for about half the pictures. In my defense, there was flash going all the time forever, and each flash of the camera is like being slapped across the face. Also, I was kind of annoyed with the photographer for taking pictures with flash during the procession. I'd been under the impression that there wouldn't be flash while in the sanctuary area, but apparently she'd had the impression that it was only verboten while we were at the altar. So the processional pictures didn't turn out great. I also feared, and was correct in that, if I wasn't smiling my expression was sort of frowny-intent. That's a thing I do, and it's when I'm concentrating really hard on something. But it is not photogenic at all. Did I mention I kind of hate photos?
But I should ask my brother how to smile properly. I swear, if he knew there was a picture being taken, he had a photogenic and real-looking smile on his face. Mouth and eyes both, not just the first. You need both for a convincing smile. I sincerely doubt he was in perfect good humor for the entire wedding, but the pictures will certainly look like he was. I'll see him in a couple weeks, so I think I'll ask what he did to manage that. I'm afraid it's going to involve tons of practice and a mirror, but maybe it won't. I hate mirrors even more than I hate pictures...
Anyway, I poked through the raws and edited photos and came out with over 70 pictures that I liked well. So that's not bad at all. I have to get Chris to do the same, and send the final set of pictures back to the photographer for an album. Preferably quickly, so the extras can be Christmas presents...
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