Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome: A Practical Guide to Day-To-Day Life by Nancy J. Patrick. Or, perhaps better titled: "Easier Said Than Done: Social Skills For the NT World."
My snark aside, this is more or less what it says in the title, though I would definitely replace "Social Skills" with "Life Skills." It's not a social skill to exercise regularly, nor to eat properly, but both are included in this book. Certainly these things are vastly important, and keeping healthy patterns of exercise and diet can be very helpful in doing your best in social situations.
The book is divided into chapters, each of which addresses a specific subject autistic people may have trouble with, such as good listening, the differences between friends and acquaintances, housing, and dating. There are sections for marriage and parenting, a very cautious section for dealing with strangers, and even sections in the beginning to identify what precisely social and communication skills are and why they're important.
The tone is factual, logical, and brief to a fault, sounding, frankly, like it was written by someone with autism, and peppered with short stories to help demonstrate the topic or make a point. There is a lot of "this is what you should do," and very little "this is how you could do it." I kind of felt like I was being lectured at while reading the book. The tone and brevity is probably at least in part due to how much information needed to be covered, and also because autistic people vary pretty widely. What works for one person won't for another.
I did find the statistics given in the book a little bleak. Even presuming the statistics in question were factually accurate (not a given, if you know how easily statistics can be skewed), I didn't really appreciate learning that 80% of all marriages that have an Aspie partner fail. I'm about to be married, with the intention to do my best by Chris in the long haul, and I'm not entering into the marriage because I think it's romantic or something, so I could do with a bit less negativity over here, particularly when the world already considers me subhuman. And really overall, that's like telling someone they're probably just going to fail, so why bother trying? And I thought the 50% failure rate on regular marriages was bad. Ugh.
At least I have the confidence of knowing Chris and I have done our best to assure compatibility on several levels, rather than just shared interests, or emotional compatibility, or similar political views. Any technologically savvy readers may appreciate this description of a deep relationship. (By the way, that's an excellent comic, though it may require some patience and open-mindedness to get through.)
I found the book to be almost entirely review until the last chapter, which deals with various tools autistic people can use to help themselves and others. The physical ones are sorted by tech level: everything from sticky notes to computer programs. To my great amusement, this book is 8 years old, so its suggestions are maybe a wee bit out of date. A lot of the suggestions given in this last chapter, I could manage with a smartphone. Err... most of them, actually. But it's good to have lower tech ideas, because while most people have smartphones these days, not everyone does. And not only that, smartphones break. It's best to have redundancies built into your life.
Other tools given in the final chapter include strategies for effective listening, a second option for eye contact if trying for the 85%/15% eye contact/non eye-contact rule is too anxiety-provoking, and strategies to smooth over miscommunications. Some of these I'd heard of, like To-Do lists. Others were entirely new to me, like the alternative eye contact option I mentioned.
At the very end of the book, there are a series of self-evaluations, each of which is referenced in the chapter that corresponds to its subject. I didn't do the assessments, but apparently someone prior to me did, as several of them were filled out. Of all the parts of the book, I wonder the most about this one. Self-assessments are only as useful as the honesty and observational skills of the person taking them. I tend to think well of myself in those areas, but that doesn't necessarily mean every given person on the spectrum will, particularly if they also suffer from depression, anxiety, or other life-complicating disabilities.
My snark aside, this is more or less what it says in the title, though I would definitely replace "Social Skills" with "Life Skills." It's not a social skill to exercise regularly, nor to eat properly, but both are included in this book. Certainly these things are vastly important, and keeping healthy patterns of exercise and diet can be very helpful in doing your best in social situations.
The book is divided into chapters, each of which addresses a specific subject autistic people may have trouble with, such as good listening, the differences between friends and acquaintances, housing, and dating. There are sections for marriage and parenting, a very cautious section for dealing with strangers, and even sections in the beginning to identify what precisely social and communication skills are and why they're important.
The tone is factual, logical, and brief to a fault, sounding, frankly, like it was written by someone with autism, and peppered with short stories to help demonstrate the topic or make a point. There is a lot of "this is what you should do," and very little "this is how you could do it." I kind of felt like I was being lectured at while reading the book. The tone and brevity is probably at least in part due to how much information needed to be covered, and also because autistic people vary pretty widely. What works for one person won't for another.
I did find the statistics given in the book a little bleak. Even presuming the statistics in question were factually accurate (not a given, if you know how easily statistics can be skewed), I didn't really appreciate learning that 80% of all marriages that have an Aspie partner fail. I'm about to be married, with the intention to do my best by Chris in the long haul, and I'm not entering into the marriage because I think it's romantic or something, so I could do with a bit less negativity over here, particularly when the world already considers me subhuman. And really overall, that's like telling someone they're probably just going to fail, so why bother trying? And I thought the 50% failure rate on regular marriages was bad. Ugh.
At least I have the confidence of knowing Chris and I have done our best to assure compatibility on several levels, rather than just shared interests, or emotional compatibility, or similar political views. Any technologically savvy readers may appreciate this description of a deep relationship. (By the way, that's an excellent comic, though it may require some patience and open-mindedness to get through.)
I found the book to be almost entirely review until the last chapter, which deals with various tools autistic people can use to help themselves and others. The physical ones are sorted by tech level: everything from sticky notes to computer programs. To my great amusement, this book is 8 years old, so its suggestions are maybe a wee bit out of date. A lot of the suggestions given in this last chapter, I could manage with a smartphone. Err... most of them, actually. But it's good to have lower tech ideas, because while most people have smartphones these days, not everyone does. And not only that, smartphones break. It's best to have redundancies built into your life.
Other tools given in the final chapter include strategies for effective listening, a second option for eye contact if trying for the 85%/15% eye contact/non eye-contact rule is too anxiety-provoking, and strategies to smooth over miscommunications. Some of these I'd heard of, like To-Do lists. Others were entirely new to me, like the alternative eye contact option I mentioned.
At the very end of the book, there are a series of self-evaluations, each of which is referenced in the chapter that corresponds to its subject. I didn't do the assessments, but apparently someone prior to me did, as several of them were filled out. Of all the parts of the book, I wonder the most about this one. Self-assessments are only as useful as the honesty and observational skills of the person taking them. I tend to think well of myself in those areas, but that doesn't necessarily mean every given person on the spectrum will, particularly if they also suffer from depression, anxiety, or other life-complicating disabilities.
Read This Book If:
You're on the autism spectrum, or have a teenager or young adult on the autism spectrum. This book contains a wide variety of skills and subjects, all of which you need to thrive in the neurotypical world. Even if you already blend very well in society, consider picking up this book and seeing if there are any bits you might be missing, or new avenues of socialization or skill acquisition.
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