Article: GABA and Autism

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/study-brain-difference-autism_56743200e4b0b958f65657ea

There are physical differences between an autistic brain and a normally-developing one.  Most commonly, the differences are noted in the connections between the parts of the brain.  All the parts of the brain are the same, but the wiring between them is different. 

This article highlights another difference: a neurotransmitter called GABA.  The article is kinda science-jargon-y, which I get because I studied psychology.  But not everyone has, so for ease of understanding...

GABA is a neurotransmitter, a chemical produced in the brain to accomplish a task.  GABA's task in specific, is to filter out extra data in the environment.  I described my sound sensitivity previously, but part of it is the inability to filter out excess noises.  Things like a fan in the background, birds chirping, some thoughtless neighbor blaring their music.  Your brain naturally selects relevant information from the environment, like the movie you're watching, and filters out everything else (fan, refrigerator sounds).

So this study did an experiment.  They got a group of participants to do a task with distraction, then measured their GABA levels.  As might be expected, normally-developing people with high GABA levels had an easier time with the task.  Autistic people, though?  Their GABA levels didn't affect performance.  It's not that the autistic brain is missing GABA, it's that the GABA isn't doing anything.

So what does this all mean?  Well... besides being another measurable difference between neurotypical brains, it might explain why autistic people are often more prone to sensory processing disorders.  I suffer from sound and light sensitivity.  Last Friday I wrote about another individual whose light sensitivity is different than mine.  Some people can't stand to be touched, and feel hugs as pain.  Temple Grandin is/was one of those people with touch sensitivity.  

Something I've personally noted: my doctor mentioned snagging what I'm calling "chill pills" now- a low dosage, mint flavored GABA lozenge (like a hard candy).  Just one of those is enough to mildly bludgeon my upset brain into a calmer frame of mind.  I tend to call that state of mind a sulk, rather than contentedness, but it's much better than throwing a fit.  So I think GABA isn't entire slacking off on its job for me.  But it has to be overloaded, first. The amount of GABA in one of those lozenges is far higher than the amounts that would be found in my brain.  So if my brain is slammed with a torrent of "filter out unnecessary noise" chemical, it cooperates.  But it doesn't necessarily cooperate if it's not being slammed. 

As I mentioned, I don't entirely find the results of taking GABA pleasant, so I'm not sure how I feel about potential treatments being developed from this theory.  But perhaps, if they can figure out just the right level of slamming, it wouldn't be unpleasant. 

LENS and Life, week of 1/19/16

Two weeks until Happy Fun Times, or possibly Nothing At All.  No sites this week, as the doctor is doing more convention-ing.  I mentioned my worries about my sensory strip to her.  Depending on what we do (and possibly how much my brain has shifted), I might experience the same thing as last time, or nothing at all.  We'll see.

Moving In Progress
In the meantime, it's time for allllll the stress.  Moving is a process of systematically dismantling your life, putting it into sterile little boxes, carting those boxes around to a new place that doesn't feel like home, and then trying to remantle it into something resembling your life again.

When I was little, we moved every few years.  This wasn't really on purpose, or a fact of my parents' jobs.  It's just how things turned out.  So I've lived in 5 states, as of this writing.  Those moves, between states, were much easier than this.  I had only a few boxes of possessions, almost no furniture, and the bulk of the moving was done by professional movers.

This move, there were no movers.  No evenly sized abundance of boxes.  There were shelves, tables, chairs, bed, and futon.  Those are all very heavy, especially up two flights of stairs.  Chris, naturally, took up the brunt of the burden in many cases, but much of the heavy things had to be done by two people.  So I did a lot of lying around uselessly when we weren't packing.  Watching my home of four years being dismantled, the first home I'd made for myself, was (and is) destroying my ability to get things done.

It's not just the stress of your home being dismantled around you.  It's more normal things, like not having my computer available to do work, or put my music on.  I could try to type things on my tablet, or play things from there, but the sound system and keyboard are terrible by comparison.  I have to be able to type fast enough to keep up with my thoughts, and I can't on a virtual keyboard.  I'm pretty sure my handwriting got worse and worse as I aged, not because I didn't practice it, but because I couldn't keep up with my thoughts while taking notes in school.  My handwriting is all but illegible now.  I took notes in college on my laptop partly for that reason.

So now I'm trying to write in the new place, but while watching one of my favorite movies.  That's probably detracting from my focus, but it's definitely adding to my comfort.  Between the stench of paint, the unfamiliar carpeting, and the chilliness of the apartment, I need the extra help.  My computer is here, but I'm actually only here to get the packages that're coming today, to this place.

One of them includes our new chest freezer.  All 10.6 gallons of it.  I, uh... I'm going to have to do a lot of cooking if I'm going to fill that.  But I guess now I have the option to buy half a deer or something.  I'm picky about my farmed meat, but other than asking for as clean a death as possible, I'll eat wild game.  I'm not really interested in learning how to butcher, so maybe if I'm really lucky, I can get someone to clean and cut it up properly.

I spent most of the day updating addresses.  Chris thoughtfully started making a list of places he needed to update to not screw up our billing, rent, and other expenses, so I added mine to the same document.  He has 20-some.  I only have 12 or so, but it was more than enough to burn a couple hours.  Especially trying to cancel my Internet.  I swear...  Everything else was very polite and easy about updating or canceling my service.  Comcast?  "Oh no, we can't let you close your account.  You have to call us and sit in virtual line for an hour, then listen to us give you tons of crap about quitting."

I'm just fortunate I got a reasonably nice Indian call-center guy.  And probably fortunate that I told him I didn't want Internet at my new place.  Was sort've a lie, since we already have Internet here.  Annoyingly, it's Comcast.  I tried finding another company to go with, since I despise Comcast with the vitriol I normally reserve for blatantly arrogant, manipulative, self-righteous assholes.  Generally speaking, I try not to hate anyone.  Some people make it really hard, though. 

Accessible Lighting for Sensory-Friendly Environments

About a month ago, I was browsing Facebook and came across a fellow autistic person's commentary and explanation of their difficulties with lighting.  It seems they notice (suffer through) flickering in some kinds of lighting, like LEDs, but not in other kinds, like incandescent bulbs.  The flickering hurts their eyes, making some places downright painful and headache-inducing.

They linked to this: http://www.archlighting.com/technology/leds-fighting-flicker_o

And proceeded to explain: 

"Incandescent filaments react more slowly to changes in their power source, and kind of trail off the glow when shut off due to thermal persistence (heat maintaining the amount of light being emitted), so even though on alternating current the it receives power in a non-steady way, the bulb appears continuously lit. For LEDs, the reaction time is quicker, so that as electricity alternates the filament switches on and off rapidly, not maintaining glow in between. I perceive this as flicker and it is awful. (This would explain why I used to think LED lights were mostly non-flickery, since LED flashlights and that were on direct current power supplied by batteries.) Fluorescent lights also flicker at 120 hertz, making school definitely worse for me all the way through.

So that's what I mean when I talk about sensory-friendly vs inaccessible lighting; lights that flicker add constant extra sensory input (like a radio playing static) to everything else I'm trying to process, and lights that look steady to others unfortunately may not look steady to me. That the US has been trying to phase out incandescent bulbs bodes pretty ill for me and others who have overly keen perception of light."

If this doesn't make sense to you: all lights, even perfectly working ones, flicker to a degree.  However, the flickering differs depending on your type of light.  Incandescent bulbs continue to glow even after the loss of power, because of heat.  This ensures a steadier light source.  LEDs, however, simply shut off with no buffer. To someone with sensitive eyes/brain, this flickering is visible, distracting, and painful.

I don't personally have this particular superpower/annoyance, but I kind of relate by comparing my experiences with messed up fluorescent lights in classrooms or lecture areas.  Y'know the kind that just flicks on and off every few seconds?  Maybe it's not screwed in properly, or the bulb is on the end of its lifespan, or there's something wonky with the wiring.  But it's just that one bulb, and I glared at it through the entire lesson, while it incessantly flicked on-off. on-off.

So now imagine one of those bulbs in every room.  The light keeps changing, which makes it hard to focus on the presentation, or the person talking to you, or the job you're doing.  Now imagine every lightbulb is that lightbulb.  And still having to try and focus through that, all day, every day.  Now imagine no one knows what you're talking about when you react to that stupid flickery bulb, or mention it in conversation.

According to other posts in the conversation,  this person makes do with their situation by bringing a desk lamp with an incandescent bulb to work.  I imagine their home is also strictly sensory-friendly lighting. 

LENS and Life, week of 1/12/16

No sites today (but we can probably bet it will be 1 on Thursday, when I go).  I'm getting mildly uneasy that we're getting nearer to the week of mapping my sensory strip.  The last time we touched that site, I nearly strangled every thoughtless person in my vicinity.  I'm not as stressed these days, but it's not nice, knowing that's probably going to happen again.  I spent that entire week in pre-damage control mode, constantly having to talk myself down from unhealthy courses of action.

Do keep in mind that's vastly atypical for my experience with LENS, though.  Most weeks I barely notice a thing, but given my experience at Christmastime, it's clearly done plenty of good.  I'd've been a nervous depressed angry wreck every other year. 

Apartment Progress

We now have a new apartment.  I have yet to put in notice at the old place, because they still haven't given me back my $50 in erroneous late fees.  Y'know, for like the 6th time.  The staff at the office seem nice enough, but their corporate is entirely made of trolls, steaming turds, and sadistic cats as far as I can tell.  I wish I could yell at people like my dad does.  Not that I'd want to do so terribly often, but if I can actually find the people who deserve it, they could use a good harassing.  I'm sure $50 means nothing to them, but it's several meals or a tank of gas to me.

The new place, on the other hand, seems a little tight for staff but the front desk/agent person seems to care about our experience.  I... can't quite get a handle on her, which leaves me paying attention to her words and actions, but other than being very particular about policies (nothing that bothers us), being difficult to get ahold of, and being really sick right now, she seems fine.  Email seems to be the order of the day with her.  I don't think I'll want to live there for years, but it should be fine for a single year or so.  House-hunting next year, at least at present. 

We've already taken most of Chris' storage unit, a bundle of my stuff, and most of his remaining stuff to the new place.  At this point we're sort of stripping the Sardine Can down to essentials, moving the nonessential stuff one box/plastic storage tote at a time, and then probably settling on a warmer day sometime soon to haul the rest of it.  Chris prefers sooner over later, but my period just started and "ouch" does not even close to summarize my condition right now. 

Stuff to do today (if I can muster the energy to move) includes packing the extra kitchen things, moving some more easily-grabbable stuff (like box fans, printer, air purifier) out to the car, and disassembling a set of poor man's bookshelves (four closet doors stacked with bricks between them). 

Potential Breakthrough for Cooking

So Chris and I might've gotten past an impasse on cooking.  Neither of us likes cooking, but apparently Chris really hates prep.  Chopping meat, vegetables, etc.  Inspired by my mother, I recently snagged five bell peppers and chopped them up, then froze them on a baking sheet.  Once frozen, they could be scraped into a bag and used by the handful as needed.  I did the same with some red onion and some chicken, later.  I don't particularly mind the chopping, so long as I can do it ahead of time whilst not grumpy, hungry, and tired.  (Well, raw meat is pretty much always gross, but that's less of an issue since I don't eat that much meat.)

So with those things, some other frozen foods, salsa and seasonings, and a packet of brown rice/quinoa, Chris threw together a nutritious meal a couple days ago and didn't make much fuss about it.  This is unusual, because usually both of us complain if we have to cook, and as such, we usually do it together.  It gets the food made, but isn't exactly fun. 

I asked him about it afterwards, and he said specifically that he didn't mind it as long as the frozen things were already there.  So I might have to go to Costco once we're moved in properly.  Onions, sweet peppers, maybe even broccoli, could be frozen the same way.  I can certainly still cook, but if he's willing to cook more often with that stuff available, it would go a long way toward making me not feel like a live-in, unpaid cook. I can also probably get him to help chop things on weekends, when he's not so tired out from work.  

Article: The Missing Generation

https://spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/the-missing-generation/

This is an article that talks about all the misdiagnosed older folks, which are only popping up now that we understand more about autism and how it manifests.  These people, in their 40s, 50s, and older, had to grow up without the benefit of the understanding I now benefit from.  As such, they often suffered misdiagnoses, anything from schizophrenia to bipolar disorder to OCD.  And often, that meant they were institutionalized.  (Mental institutions give me the heebie-jeebies because of this.  If I'd been born just a little earlier, that's where I might have ended up.)

These people are the 1st generation, as I term them.  There are very few of them that managed to blend into society rather than being institutionalized.  Some of those that did are Temple Grandin and John Elder Robison, the two great advocates of autism.  These people and their families struggled alone, with no real understanding of autism.  They simply did the best they could with what little they had, because autism wasn't to become more understood until much later.

I am the second generation, to my mind.  If I'd been diagnosed younger, I could have gotten started reading the writings of Temple Grandin and John Elder Robison, along with less well-known authors and psychologists.  Even now, diagnosed as an adult, I do benefit from those writings.  They help me make sense of my world and my perception of people and society.  But I still don't really have other, older autistic people in my life, to whom I can look up to.

That ability, hopefully, will be for the third generation: the autistic kids of today.  Autism is still somewhat of an unknown quantity, and while I can take some heart from writing, a living example of success is much more powerful.  Not every autistic person wants to stand up and be known, since mental illness and developmental differences are still stigmatized.  I intend to be an example for those kids, and the people of the second and first generations.  And an educator, for them and for people who aren't on the spectrum.  Perhaps one day, a generation of autistics will have a wide and strong support network, rather than having to struggle so hard to blend and achieve success. 

LENS and Life, week of 1/5/16

1 site today.  Slow and steady wins the race?

New Title: Coming Someday Soon
I might need to come up with a better title for these posts, in the event that LENS tapers off and stops eventually.  Maybe "Lanyards and Life" if I start getting invited to conventions?  "Laziness and Life" is a little too self-depreciating.  "Learning and Life" is very trite.   Perhaps I should settle on "Legwork and Life" until I can get to "Lanyards and Life."  Referring both to the fact that I'm trying to do 5 day/week exercise (mostly leg-cardio) and the fact that this career is currently in the "legwork" phase, that is, the phase where it's not a paying career and I'm just trying to make the needed connections and outreach to make it a career.

Also, after staring at several pages of words that start with L, the letter L no longer looks like a letter.

Stuff to catch up on since last post... whoof.  Okay.

The Engagement
So at Christmastime, when Chris and I got approval from our respective parents, he had not, in fact, proposed.  We basically just discussed the prospect and mutually agreed.  I did, however, kind of want an actual proposition.  So being the sweetheart that he is, Chris agreed.  Rather than spending a bundle of money, he cleaned out the tub so I could have a nice bath, cooked a double batch of beef stew (yum), lit of a bunch of those tiny tea candles, and scattered rose petals about (along with putting the remaining 10 in vases).

The beef stew turned out pretty good, and we had a good chat about the future and what we meant to each other.  It was pretty awesome.  I know the cultural ideal is to pop the question somewhere expensive and public, with an outpouring of extremely romantic words, but that honestly doesn't appeal to me.  I hate having my emotions on display.  So this was much more pleasant and meaningful.

We still don't have a date because of the next point of business...

Apartment Hunting
Continues with a vengeance!  It must end! (please?  I'm so tired of meeting new people...)  At this point we've visited 5-6 places, and put in two applications.  It looks like the last one is going to be our favorite, not because I'm worn out, but because the place is spacious and has basically everything we want for a reasonable price.

We were looking for lots of space (so both of us can be comfortable), 2 bedrooms, a reasonable price, garbage disposal, trash, parking for two cars, maintenance on site, lots of 3 prong outlets, included snow removal, AC/heat, and decent soundproofing.  There were other things we wanted, like a dishwasher, central AC, storage unit, and a no-smoking policy for the outdoors.  We got basically everything we wanted.  So this should make things a lot less stressful.

I don't mind living in a sardine can much, but it's not a good situation for living together.  That said, the moving process is going to be stressful...  I have my minivan, which carries a lot of stuff.  So on weekends we can probably just load the thing up and go back and forth a bit.  Still, I'm not overfond of living in two places at once, constantly wishing you had this thing or that thing in the other building, and tossing things into boxes only to take them right back out again.

Other Life Improvements Incoming
So one thing Chris has been having trouble with is sleep.  His bed is substandard at best, right now.  He prefers a nice soft bed, and hasn't really had much luck with that in either the bed he bought for his life in CT or the bed he's using right now.

I, on the other hand, am fairly happy with my Sleep Number bed (a gift from my generous grandmother) but it won't do for us as a couple, since it's twin sized.  The solution is to get another one of similar quality to the first, but bigger.

We've been tossing the idea around for months at this point.  The only major issue with the idea is the cost.  Chris noted that they were having a sale a few days ago, so we stopped by to check out the available discounts and beds.  It turns out we get a discount, since I count as an owner.  More importantly, as long as you make the regular payments on a Sleep Number bed, they don't charge interest on financing for 2 years.  And you could finance the entire thing, without minding a down payment.

Given how poorly Chris has been sleeping, we opted to buy a bed that same day: a p5 model.  It's not too plushy (as Sleep Numbers go), but should have plenty of soft for his back and plenty of firm for mine.  After budgeting carefully, we figured we'll be able to make the monthly payments without too much issue.  So that's going to happen.

I'm keeping my bed, though.  It's too good a bed to ditch, and we have a second bedroom.  We probably won't have guests much, but between that and the fact that I'm definitely a night owl, I think it'll still get use and appreciation.

In addition to the bed, Chris and I now have a Costco membership.  This would be all but useless to us, except that we're also planning to get a chest freezer.  Costco and other bulk stores are great for businesses and large families, and usually terrible for small families, single people, and couples.  Other than toilet paper and paper towels, you don't usually need an industrial-sized anything.

However, there are a few things Chris and I go through pretty quickly: ground bison, frozen fruit, and granola bars, for instance. These things are much cheaper at Costco.  My current freezer is practically stuffed full, but with a chest freezer, I would be able to cook soup, stew, or stir fry far in advance, then simply store those meals for later.  This is, as far as I can tell, the prime tactic for people who hate cooking or are simply time-crunched.  I've been vastly limited in my ability to do such things, given that my freezer is probably 3 ft. square or less.  $200 for a 7 sq. ft chest freezer should fix that.  And the more stuff I put in it, the less the freezer itself has to work to keep itself cold.  So lots of incentive there. 

Auti-Sim, an online autism simulator

Link here.

This turned up on my Twitter account (realautistic) via the /r/autism subReddit.  The game itself is hosted on an online game website called Kongregate. 

Out of morbid fascination, I decided to try it.  I say "morbid" because the simulator is meant to demonstrate how it feels to have sensory issues.  I already have sensory issues.  As such, the game was very likely to give me a headache.  And it did, in fact, succeed.

The game is very simple. It sets you as a kid on a playground, perhaps in a school yard or community playground.  You have basic movement controls (left, right, forward, back, and jump) and camera control (using the mouse), but can't interact with anything or anyone.  (also nothing except you moves)

You start in a safe area, a quiet corner away from the other children.  If your volume is turned on, you can hear the sounds of kids on a playground: shrieking, chanting, calling to each other, with occasional thumping or thuds.  You can hop on the playground equipment, but depending on how close to the other children you go, you start to suffer.  Your vision starts going snowy, like static on the television.  Everything gets painfully louder.  The longer you stay, the worse it gets, until you stumble away. 

Or curse audibly at the screen, get a headache, and stumble away, if you're me.  I've only seen a few sensory overload simulators before, and I hadn't realized how loud it would get.  I queried my fiancee, and he said it was definitely unpleasant.  When you flee away from the other kids back to the edge of the area, the overloading quiets down in a few seconds.  I really wish my overloading quieted down that fast, but it wouldn't be a very good game if once you'd gotten overloaded, you had to sit for an hour somewhere quiet and alone.

The other children are all faceless, wearing the same clothing, and don't look at you or respond to your approach.  This mirrors something I tend to deal with in reality: faces are immensely difficult for me to memorize, and names are even worse.  Clothing changes day by day, so even if all the clothing is different for each person, it's useless as an identifier in the long run.  Finally, the others not responding lines up with the fact that the "weird kid" on the playground usually gets ignored, or worse, mocked.

Other things I noticed about the game:

1. The colors (especially the sky) are unusually bright.  This is, as I understand it, a kid thing.  Kids often draw the sky in a bright blue, and I read somewhere that this matches their reality.  They see the color of the sky more vividly than we do.  I don't have a scientific reference, but I remember I did spend a lot of time looking at the sky when I was little.  It was bright and pretty and often had puffy clouds or jet trails in it.  
2. Included in the play equipment is a merry go round (with another kid on it).  Some kids on the autism spectrum find solace in stimming, which can be anything from flapping your hands to full-body spinning.  I'd hoped that perhaps the spinning would allieviate or at least tone down the overstimulation, but no luck.  Same idea with the swings, which I spent much time on as a child.  I think I mainly liked them because they got me up high, but some stimming might've been involved too. 

Finally, the developer of the game included a very important aspect for autistic kids that don't blend well: escape.  If you hop up on the play equipment behind you at the start of the game, you can leap the fence keeping you inside the play enclosure, and from there, run as far away as you'd like.  Autistic people, especially ones that don't speak but even ones that do, will sometimes bolt.  You'll be standing there with them, everything seems to be fine, and off they go.  This causes the parents and caretakers a lot of anxiety, as you can imagine.

I'm not actually sure if they included that option on purpose, or if this is an unfinished version of the game, but I'm glad it was there.  If I'd made the game (no idea how, so props to them for doing so and putting so much effort into it), I'd've made the sounds of the children fade into silence as you get further away, leaving you alone with the calming silence and the beautiful outdoors.

Of course, they'd need to set a timer for your kid to get dragged back to the playground, too.

Overall, this Auti-Sim simulator is good teaching tool in proper context, which I hope I've provided here.  Please do give it a try.