The Loving Push: How Parents and Professionals Can Help Spectrum Kids Become Successful Adults, by Temple Grandin and Debra Moore, is a book geared around teaching parents how to support their kids into adulthood. The transition from child to adult can be particularly difficult for autistic and other neurodiverse people, especially when you mix in disability.
The typical story that comes up in the parent support group I attend is a "failure to launch" type story. The child has some disability, but could probably live independently or elsewhere, with some supports. Due to numerous setbacks and the utter inability of minimum wage to support that lifestyle, though, these people are typically living at home with their parents, and have no plans to move out. They may even feel like they're incapable of managing life on their own, and expect their parents to handle that aspect of their lives forever.
Of course, no parent lives forever. Nor does every parent feel okay with this lack of boundaries and the child's lack of independence. So while some of these parents let the situation slide for decades, eventually it all ends the same place: "we can't do this any more." Efforts might be made to nudge the child onward towards making a life for themself, but depending on how things have gone, it can be an uphill battle.
Hence, this book. Its information is backed up with real stories from autistic young adults, their parents, and their friends/support staff/professionals.
In reading this book, I suspect that most of the information presented is useful for any kind of kid (or adult child, as some people call grown children that still rely on their parents).
The typical story that comes up in the parent support group I attend is a "failure to launch" type story. The child has some disability, but could probably live independently or elsewhere, with some supports. Due to numerous setbacks and the utter inability of minimum wage to support that lifestyle, though, these people are typically living at home with their parents, and have no plans to move out. They may even feel like they're incapable of managing life on their own, and expect their parents to handle that aspect of their lives forever.
Of course, no parent lives forever. Nor does every parent feel okay with this lack of boundaries and the child's lack of independence. So while some of these parents let the situation slide for decades, eventually it all ends the same place: "we can't do this any more." Efforts might be made to nudge the child onward towards making a life for themself, but depending on how things have gone, it can be an uphill battle.
Hence, this book. Its information is backed up with real stories from autistic young adults, their parents, and their friends/support staff/professionals.
In reading this book, I suspect that most of the information presented is useful for any kind of kid (or adult child, as some people call grown children that still rely on their parents).
- Neurotypical children may not have singular special interests that they're intensely focused on, but if you want to teach effectively or motivate someone, you still incorporate the things they're interested in.
- Neurodiverse children of all kinds may run into similar barriers, such as repeated rejections, learned helplessness, depression, anxiety, and addiction.
- Perfectionism and addiction (regardless of what kind it is) are poisonous to learning and growing, regardless of your neurology. Autistic people may be more prone to Internet/gaming addiction than most, but there are many kinds of addiction, including TV, drugs, and codependency (always sacrificing your own health and wellbeing to help others.)
- Responsibility, chores, and life skills like cooking, cleaning, and laundry are important for all humans, regardless of IQ, neurology, etc. While a person confined to a wheelchair or mobility device may not be able to reach the high cabinets, they can still learn to cook or garden or do laundry if given the right tools and teaching methods.
Read This Book If
You're a parent, professional, or support person for a neurodiverse person in transition. Transition age can vary widely for neurodiverse people. Starting earlier is better (the book repeats this frequently), but it is never too late to start learning. This book will help guide you in supporting the neurodiverse person and giving them the nudges they need to move forward to whatever their best life looks like.
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